omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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