five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He has the fingertips of a God
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