Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm sobbing to NWA
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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