wrigley field is MILF paradise
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Mom said you looked used
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
