have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
