I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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