I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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