I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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