He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
