he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
