I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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