'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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