You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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