I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
