did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
