Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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