If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
