did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
