If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's shark week go big or go home
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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