that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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