Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The Olympian is in my bed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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