I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
