People in love make me want to vomit
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
