Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
