Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
