so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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