watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Alive.
So much puke
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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