I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
