my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
did i just pee glitter
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
