I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
