Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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