Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
