So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
