dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
