Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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