I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Less talking, more tequila
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
