I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
