Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
