I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Only a mothe r could love this liver
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
