like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
