i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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