All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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