everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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