I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
