I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I understand Curling. That high.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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