dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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