I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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