Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
