Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
