Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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