I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
